Up until November of last year I was involved in a serious, long-distance relationship. It was not until the relationship ended that I realized just how much the relationship was dependent upon mediated communication, as we spent almost three quarters of the 30-month relationship apart.
The relationship began at the end of my sophomore year in high school, and my boyfriend, who I will refer to as “Ben,” was about to begin his freshman year of college. Wallace attraction factors, such as physical attraction and common ground, made the FtF relationship meaningful enough to pursue a long-distance one. We were extremely attracted to one another and felt that we understood each other better than most others ever could.
Talking on the phone and text-messaging were key during the first few months of Ben and my relationship. Letters and heartfelt e-mails were exchanged from time to time. Facebook proved to be another valuable form of mediated communication for us. Now that we could see who the other person was talking to or taking pictures with, elements such as desire and jealousy came back into play in a new form. Because of this, Ben and I, in a way, used Facebook to remind one another of the physical attraction we shared. Video-chatting was one of the best forms of mediated communication for our relationship. Video-chatting combines auditory and visual elements to create a more intimate communication experience. Connecting across space and time via mediated communication certainly helped Ben and I get from one visit to the next.
Ultimately, after two and one half years of long-distance communication, it soon became clear that the physical distance and age difference between Ben and I would tear us apart. Once I came to college I realized that mostly mediated communication was just not enough anymore. Finding time to talk on the phone, text message, instant message, e-mail, or video-chat is difficult, especially when both parties are also trying to juggle schoolwork, separate social lives, and long-distance love. So although McKenna factors like disinhibition and lack of shyness in our mediated communications allowed Ben and I to get to know each other on extremely personal levels, nothing could effectively replicate having a relationship with a partner in close proximity.
Although the relationship went sour almost a year ago, I feel no regrets in spending such a long time in a mediated communication relationship. Being with someone in close physical proximity is certainly enjoyable and offers constant gratification, but long-distance relationships can be just as rewarding, granted in different ways. A great thing about long-distance relationships is that they challenge you to ask whether the ends will justify the means. If they are worth all of the effort mediated communication can entail, at least you know you’ve got something worth working for.
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3 comments:
Hello Emily, I am sorry that your relationship did not work out. I was also impressed to see that from this experience, you learned the meaning of having and keeping relationship online. I especially liked your analysis on the characteristics and the influence of different types of mediated communications on your relationship. I think your experience is a fitting example of Hyperpersonal Model. Over time, exchange of personal information seemed to reach almost the level of FtF. Since both participants can concentrate on verbal cues, it was even possible to form an intense impression of each other. I think the intensity was one of many factors that kept this relationship going for such a long time.
Hey Emily,
I loved the way that you added so many details about your experience as well as the factors themselves.
Do you think that along with proximity, common ground (or lack thereof) played a part in the disintegration of your relationship?
I was thinking that it did, since you were engaging in new experiences that he was not involved in and vice versa. This meant that some of the interests and friends you were accumulating were not shared with him.
I might be totally off, but that is what I was thinking.
Hey Emily, my post was on a very similar topic, so I enjoyed reading about your experience. I think it was great how you showd that disinhibition and lack of shyness helped bring you guys together, yet you emphasized the power of proximity by showing that it was a major factor that led to the break up. My experience has led me to believe what you emphasize toward the end of your blog: that there is nothing like a relationship with someone in close proximity. While long distance relationships may work, I feel they are much more combustible with the possibility of failure. Face to face communication includes crucial nonverbal cues that can help develop a relationship and help the two partners feel more comfortable with each other. To close, I would like to say I am glad to see you do not regret what happened. You learned a lot from the experience, and from what I know, it has helped you grow as an individual.
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