#5, 1 Coast to Coast Long Distance Relationship

Having experienced a long distance relationship for the majority of my freshman year, I became very familiar with interacting with my boyfriend through CMC. Although we were apart for so long, with him being in California and me in Ithaca, the ability to use CMC allowed us to continue to develop and strengthen our relationship. The means of communication we used ranged from facebook messaging, to instant messaging, to video chatting, to the telephone, but instant messaging was a critical way for us to really express and share information about ourselves. Since both of us sometimes had problems putting into words exactly what we wanted to say to get our point across in the right way, the use of IM’s allowed us to take our time to really say exactly what we wanted.
Our relationship was affected greatly by McKenna’s relationship facilitation factor of identifiability. While sitting alone in our own rooms, we could feel a sense of anonymity. No one else could see the screen, therefore making it seem as if we had the freedom to say what we wanted without being judged in any way. This visual anonymity thus led to an increased private self-awareness, where we were able to really focus on ourselves and not care about others. By feeling as if no one could really see us, not even each other, we could have intense conversations, revealing our feelings and ultimately being able to have increased self-disclosure. The division that we felt by having a sense of anonymity led us to throw away any inhibitions and really get across what we felt, thereby strengthening our relationship.
Another one of McKenna’s factors that played a large role was interactional control. Since we were so far apart, and could not see each other over this media, there was an option of what we wanted to share with each other. Therefore, we could selectively choose what we wanted to say about ourselves and our day and leave out those items that could cause doubt or questioning. Also, the ability to have time to think of a response in IM’s allowed for time to get a handle on the situation when there was an argument. We could strategically plan what we wanted to say to make ourselves look best when being targeted in a fight, which goes along with O’Sullivan’s idea of choosing a leaner medium when the valence is negative and the locus is the self.
Overall, I am thankful for having the opportunity to use CMC because without it I don’t think my relationship would have survived as long as it had. It prevented our relationship from being held at a standstill during our time apart and instead helped it to thrive and keep developing.

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