It was the beginning of my freshman year here at Cornell, and I entered relationship-free. The summer before, I had spent several sun-kissed days with my then-boyfriend Mike on the lake, sharing picnics and playing tennis. However, with the start of the school year, I predictably ended our bliss with the cliché excuse, “I want to meet new people and experience new things, so…I just can’t see us together right now.”
A few months after starting the semester, a few wild nights and unfortunate regrets, I started to reminisce about summer nights spent under the stars. Of course, I used my favorite medium- CMC via instant messenger to begin talking to Mike again.
Using McKenna’s relationship facilitation factors, removal of gating factors, interactional control and getting the goods are relevant components that can be applied to the beginning of Mike and my long-distance relationship.
One of the problems with my relationship before was that I was not especially physically attracted to Mike. Since we had such a great time together when we were in person, I chose to ignore the lack of physical chemistry for me. I felt that personality far-outweighed my physical preferences. When we interacted over CMC, the gating features of physical appearance and social skills were removed. I was no longer concerned with our lack of physical chemistry, since I could visualize a handsomer version of Mike online or choose to “forget” our passionless personal relationship. During our face-to-face relationship, I was also concerned with our differences in social settings. I am very outgoing and personable, while Mike tends to be reclusive and unsocial. Since Mike’s social skills weren’t apparent on instant messenger, another gate was removed.
Since Mike and I were most competent in conversation, clever banter and humor, the internet was the perfect place for us to rekindle our relationship. Using interactional control, via the internet, we could chat online and really emphasize the strong points of our relationship. Through CMC, we felt our relationship was doing better than ever. Both of us also were able to selectively self-present ourselves to the other. I could fail to mention the crazy nights I had at Cornell, and Mike could tell me about the fun times he had been having at parties (contrary to his previous anti-social behavior). We were both catering to the others’ preferences through chatting on instant messenger.
Through the internet setting, we were also able to “get the goods” by checking on each other via facebook before we can “seeing” each other again online. In this way, we had the ability to get information about the other through posted pictures, wall posts and about me, without actually physically meeting or talking. We could also continue to check up on one another throughout our relationship without seeming like a bitchy significant other.
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